“Hurry up and wait” is a fact of modern life. Parents know scenarios like these well: hurry to get out of the house on time, then wait in traffic; rush to get to preschool pickup, then wait in the car rider line; speed to a doctor’s appointment then wait in the exam room for the sound of footsteps. We tap our toes, pace back and forth, and think of other things that we could be doing. As adults, we can be frustrated by the situation but still understand the importance of the task at hand. We also understand that the waiting will end in a reasonable amount of time. However, time is an abstract concept for children. Instead of daydreaming or making mental to-do lists, they may whine, throw things, drop to the floor, cry, scream, or beg to leave. Combine a parent’s own frustration about waiting with a child’s attempts to change the situation and you have a recipe for an emotional explosion.
What is a worn-out parent to do? We can teach them! Here are 3 strategies to try…
1. Practice often. Find opportunities for small increments of waiting and deliberately add them into your routine with your child. If you notice that there are not many cars in the parking lot of the bank, take your child inside with you rather than using the drive-thru window. While waiting, tell them something about the bank and why it is important. Talk about some other aspect of your day. The simple one-on-one time you give your child may be enough to stave off any tantrums. If the outing was successful, recognize their efforts and thank them for keeping you company. Go one step further and let them “eavesdrop” while you tell someone on the phone later (real or imaginary call) how your child went with you to the bank and was so patient to wait with you. All of these small efforts are positive reinforcement that helps the child’s brain become wired for waiting!
2. Teach them calming strategies in quiet times at home, when they are already calm! Too often, we try to teach a child how to regulate their emotions when they are crying and upset. It is nearly impossible to learn any new skill while emotions are high. For this reason, it is essential that you teach the skill when their brains are calm and ready to learn. One of my favorite strategies uses an imaginary cup of hot chocolate. Pretend to hold a steaming, marshmallow-covered, cup of hot cocoa. While it warms your hands, take a deep breath in through your nose so that you can smell all of the chocolatey goodness. Since it is too hot to drink, you slowly blow the top of your cup of cocoa to cool it, being careful not to splash any out of the cup. Repeat several times to get the full, relaxing effect. Then, in times of stress, such as waiting in a noisy grocery store, you can simply hold up your cupped hands and say, “hot cocoa.” Will strangers give you funny looks? Maybe! But let them watch in amazement as your child stays calm!
3. Use the wait time wisely! Wait time is perfect for…playing “I spy,” counting things that are red, remembering a favorite vacation, or imagining your best day ever. Waiting can be a time to slow down and observe your surroundings. Warning…one thing that can derail your efforts to teach this skill? Electronics. When a child is using a device while waiting, they miss the opportunity for interactions, observations, language development, and much more. Games and videos work against your child’s efforts to learn patience, as they move at excessive speeds and give frequent and unnatural rewards to the young brain. It is also important to show your child that you are able to wait without a device. Nothing makes a child react stronger than sitting in the cart in the checkout line while their parents are checking emails or talking on the phone! You can model the behavior you want from them by saying, “I think it’s hard to wait too. Let’s do something fun while we wait…” Have an active kid? Use movement! Practice standing on one foot, pretend to stand still on a “tightrope,” squat down to make yourself tiny, or do charades! Again, let the strangers marvel at your imaginative kid that is standing like a bear in line rather than crying!
We hope these 3 tips will help you as you guide your child! Do you have 3 more minutes to spare? Pick another article from our “Just 3” series! We pack as much information as we can into 3 strategies that you can start using today!